The game of trust & the desire to think of someone with a smile!
THE GAME OF TRUST
Do you know that game where one player, standing with their back to another, lets themselves fall backward while keeping their feet together and opening their arms? And the other player has to catch them by the arms?
The goal of this game is:
Improved collaboration: it strengthens teamwork and communication.
Responsibility: the person catching learns to take care of the other.
Overcoming fear: it helps face vulnerability in a safe context.
Relational development: it improves interpersonal skills and empathy.
But let’s take a step back… how did this game come up?
This morning again, 5:00 AM, my session. But today I’m really exhausted, I don’t even feel like talking.
I’m being honest, this is not a great period.
The problem is that for all these years I’ve been wearing blinders, never wanting a relationship or anyone, because I had to chase my dreams. Until today. I thought that when I would be ready, it would be really easy to meet someone and build something, but…
DRUM ROLL: HUGE LOAD OF BULLSHIT. IT’S NOT!!!!!
In 2026, it’s not like that at all. Apparently, you have to:
1 - Find someone you’re at least a little interested in (already extremely difficult for me).
2 - Get to know them (a waste of energy and anxiety for me).
3 - Experience it, and understand that maybe—even in a month, a day, or a year—it can end because you realize they’re not aligned with you.
4 - RESTART THIS HELLISH LOOP.
I admit I explicitly told my psychologist that I was giving up, waving my little snotty tissue from my crying moment, but as always she reassured me and, as always, suggested I shouldn’t close myself off. And from there we go back to the game.
“It’s true that it’s not easy, Samanta, especially for you who have never really been able to trust anyone. You’ve never been able to play that game (explained earlier), because you’ve always been betrayed, starting from the place that should have been your nest, your safe place…”
And here too my mind started thinking and firing thoughts like a vortex, a tornado…
“Gosh, I will never really play that ‘silly’ game. I’d rather take punches in a sparring session than let myself fall into someone else’s arms. So how am I supposed to meet people, to give someone a chance if I don’t even try?! I don’t even try to try jumping in, hoping they’ll catch me. I’m always so guarded… my armor and shell are now part of me, it has become my own skin and it’s not at all easy to try to take it off.”
I admit this journey is very difficult. In this fast-paced life between work, training, and unexpected events, we also have to deal with this.
Going out even 2 days out of 7, for me it’s hard to meet people in general, let alone interesting ones, and let alone think they might be the right one. And surely my soulmate isn’t going to fall from the sky.
Maybe it’s also difficult because, as my psychologist said:
“Samanta, you could have 52,365 people a day around you, you could already have been in a relationship for 20 years. The point is you don’t want it, because you are demanding, just like you are with yourself. You aim high and you want the same beside you. You don’t settle, and that’s why it’s hard to find, but it’s right that it’s like this: you don’t want and cannot have a ‘basic’ person by your side.”
So today I want to conclude by saying that, with a lot of effort and out of breath, in very small steps—like a little ant—I’m trying to move forward.
I would just like to feel some emotions that go beyond a primary need… (sex). I would like to think about someone with a smile, imagine, start cooking for that person because it makes me happy, go to the supermarket and buy something because that person likes it. I would like to start believing that there really is someone out there for me who is worth it… that’s what I would wish for!
At the end of the day though, I’m happy: I have achieved and I am still achieving my dream, I’ve always made it, and I’m sure this waiting is for someone who will be worth it, just like me. Because yes, I want someone by my side who shares my same values.
I’m grateful for this life and for myself, for my people, for my furry companions, and for whoever will one day be by my side.
AND YOU, WHAT STAGE ARE YOU IN?
The blonde unfiltered