Learning to give time: not everything needs a reason!
Not everything needs a purpose.
And this is one of the hardest lessons I’m learning.
I admit I waited a few days before writing. I didn’t put it off because of too many commitments—although there are plenty, I won’t lie but because I was very disappointed and irritated and didn’t want this blog to suffer because of it.
I want my blog to make readers think, reflect, experiment, and maybe even learn by following my journey in relating to others.
Today I want to focus on a topic I feel like a real beginner at: giving time.
Giving time to get to know someone and to be known.
Getting to know someone is not always easy or immediate. Only now am I realizing that life isn’t just black or white, as I used to believe. You can’t “eliminate” someone immediately based on your own rules. You need to pause, observe their behavior, engage, learn, and then… wait some more, to see if that person can truly walk alongside you.
Exposing yourself in this phase isn’t simple—at least for me—but it’s the only way.
Through therapy, I’ve learned that we can have people around us who may not lead anywhere concrete, yet it’s not necessary to cut them off immediately: if you feel the desire, in that moment, to reach out, do it. Not everything has to serve a purpose; not everything needs a reason. Sometimes you just need to notice the little gray shades.
I’ve always been very selective: I often close off with people immediately, without hesitation.
But I’m learning that you can wait. You can live lightly, without everything needing an immediate meaning or outcome. This is never a waste of time.
You can truly appreciate someone’s company even if they’re not the right person for the future.
In fact, it can teach you many lessons, such as:
1 - It teaches you to understand your own emotions.
Even talking to someone who isn’t “right” helps you understand what you like, what bothers you, and what your limits are.
It’s like an emotional laboratory: you learn to recognize signs of immaturity or inconsistency before falling in love for real.
2 - Social training.
Conversing with them trains you to communicate, joke, manage curiosity and patience without losing yourself.
It strengthens your confidence: you learn to feel good even when the other person isn’t perfect.
3 - Fun without commitment:
Enjoying someone’s company without expectations allows you to experience pleasure in the present moment without stress or illusions.
It’s completely different from obsession or desperately seeking a “future” with someone.
AND THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND.
FOR ME, EVERYTHING HAS TO HAVE A PLAN, A REASON.
I need to understand, control, plan… but life doesn’t work that way. And when we deal with another human being, control is impossible. However, I can still maintain my way of being: direct, unfiltered, clear about my needs.
Yes, it can be scary—and it often is. Insecure people don’t know what they want, and being confronted with someone who is the opposite can be attractive at first, but intimidating over time.
And you know what? I don’t care if they run away because of this. I know who I am and what I want, and I don’t need to sugarcoat my words to appear less intimidating. This honesty is part of me, and honestly, it helps me filter who is truly worth having around.
Floating Down the River of Life
Today I am calm. I imagine myself on an inflatable tube, following the flow of a river, without asking too many questions, without controlling the direction, letting myself be carried by the current.
I’ve tried to control too much, steered too many directions to reach my goals. Maybe now, finally, I can let myself float…
And when I get lost, I always remember:
When you plant a seed, you can’t dig it up every time to check if it’s growing. You just water it and wait.
You’ve done your part; now time will do the rest. The same goes for relationships: only time can tell you if it was worth it.
And remember: even if it doesn’t go the way you hoped, IT IS NEVER A WASTE OF TIME.
Do what you want, without rigid plans like I used to. Be “light” and observant, love yourself, and let yourself be carried by the flow of your emotions.
The blonde unfiltered