OPENING THE DRAWERS!

My first psychotherapy session begins at 5:00 AM on February 5, 2026 — just like this blog.

• 30 years old.

• In Nashville.

• From Italy.

“Samanta, it’s time to turn the light on your emotions, open the drawers, and have the courage to feel them, live them, and learn to recognize them.”

And with those words, my appointment ends.

I’ve finally decided to begin a journey that had been knocking at my door for a long time. I’ve made many steps forward: I am HYPER independent, determined, and I know how to achieve my goals. But there is also a side of me that is uncertain, immature, and afraid.

“The other side of the coin,” as my psychotherapist defined it. A side that shouldn’t be pushed away, but embraced and united with the fearless Samanta.

A psychotherapist with a systemic orientation… why did I start?

I found the courage to begin this path because I am a disaster in romantic relationships. Because I run away, escape, and avoid out of fear of reliving situations I know far too well.

But maybe, at 30, I can no longer say I want to build something without actually doing the work. I can’t dream of a family without putting in the effort. My castle cannot be made of paper, and its foundations cannot be slippery.

Today I truly understood that I have never really listened to myself or understood myself. I no longer want to live tied to that cord of toxicity that I experienced for 30 years, believing it was “normal.”
I don’t want to keep justifying myself and placing blame without searching for solutions.

Because I have never played the role of the victim I’ve always played to win. And if one day there is someone who can truly love me, I must and I want to be ready.

And with these words, I add a new puzzle piece to my blog. It will help me not to seal those drawers shut, not to suppress my emotions until they explode, and to share what the gift of life has in store for us. And maybe it will also help someone who, like me, doesn’t always feel understood.